She was the closest friend of mine. If I would ever consider anyone as such. We've known each other almost since the birth and growing together, understood each other better than anyone else. We were different but somehow we could complete each other. I was shy and indecisive, she was purposeful and witty. We used to be a good team.
She was both beautiful and smart. My role model in many things. I've been learning from her and she was quite an authority for me.
We were sharing our vision with each other, daydreaming about the grown-up lives and how we would walk our babies in the nearby park together.. the way our mothers did with us.
I considered her as someone who knew me better than anyone else, even though she never was fully understandable to me. She was spontaneous and I loved it, just like everything about her. I admired her life and her attitude towards it. I can't overrate the things I've learned from her and thanks to her.
I always give her the credit for introducing me to Alanis Morissette and some other great music. She was always much more advanced and informed than I was.
However something somewhere went wrong. A deep chasm emerged between us. For the recent years I never quite understood her and her actions. And she never let me. The worst of all is that I don't know why and how this happened.
I wasn't present in the most important events of her life of the recent years. I was sparsely getting news about her from other people but never from her. She wasn't in my life either. Sadly, I have been feeling the lack of her constantly and my tries to get closer with her were ineffective.
Even though she doesn't let me in her life anymore, I try to get any news from her and am happy to know that she's okay and happy with her life. Despite my usual optimism, I don't think that we can ever make up for the lost time together and for the missed opportunities to grow up and develop together. Things will never be the same and we won't be the same either.
I know that this is a very important period in her life right now and my thoughts are there with her. I wish I could share it with her, like we always thought it would be.