Sunday, March 6, 2011

on friends and needs

Winter has gone for good and seems like I've survived it! The sun was turned ON as the calendar spring started on March 1 and me, the solar-battery-powered being, has been recharging quite successfully these days.

Finally had some thoughts I decided to share with my blog's readers...

I've been thinking that it would be good to have more people around me that actually care for me rather than needing my knowledge, connections or stuff like that. Every day I get emails/messages/calls asking for information or some kind of assistance and I'm gladly satisfying them within my capacity. I'm one of those pathetic beings that have hard time saying "no" and tend to put others' interests above own convenience and needs. That's how I'm programmed and I can't do anything with that. It's being very stressful, however, to notice how some people take advantage of it, sometimes maybe unwillingly.
Sometimes, with this struggle to help those who need me for business, I neglect those who truly need me in a more emotional kind of way. There might be people who need to talk to me, share and discuss things, just see me... they might think I'm so busy that I can't be spending time with them and so never approach me for that less serious stuff. If you identified yourself with this - I'm truly sorry.

I do really really really need to feel that there are people who like me and care for me and could just call in the middle of the night to hear my voice. Or just ask for a meeting just for the sake of seeing each other, and not discussing business.

Sometimes I'm meeting people whom I need in this emotional kind of way because obviously there are things that bother me and I'd like to tell them to someone and ask opinions.. It occasionally happens that I'm meeting a new person and I feel I could tell my life's story to them, but what happens in reality is that I can't even get a chance to meet them in person.
Here I'm usually becoming a victim of those "games we play"  and stereotypes and can't just explain people why I need them, because what it's turning to be according to them is - that I'm fallen for them :) this kinda sucks.

I want more people sharing their knowledge, discussing things and daily learning with me.


I need more smart, meaningful and beautiful people around me, because that actually affects me, what I'm becoming!

I don't want you to have an impression that I have lack of friends or that I have any kind of problems with them :) I do have many friends and I love them all. Even those whom I haven't communicated to for ages and those who usually need me for fixing their computer related problems.

I have several amazing people around me that are always there for me and this I appreciate greatly.
Most of these people receive long emails from me from time to time (usually on new years eve) and sometimes I can't keep it to myself how I love each of them. I put aside my shyness and turn the sincereness mode on the maximum level and use my writing skills to tell what I can't express otherwise.

4 comments:

Mira said...

I feel that way too.
I guess you can always rely on me...
You are one of those people I like to communicate with. It's fun chatting wih you!

norayr said...

Arpik, my comment cannot be accepted, it's too long.
Posing to my journal instead

Silver said...

Arpik, look into http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism. Or, http://hy.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D5%8D%D5%B8%D5%AC%D5%AB%D5%BA%D5%BD%D5%AB%D5%A6%D5%B4 :)

thiternik said...

I should admit this is a genius thought Arpi "I need more smart, meaningful and beautiful people around me, because that actually affects me, what I'm becoming! ". I'll share it if u don't mind.

I am feeling so warm and nice every time passing by your blog. In fact I always know there is something meaningful and worth to read.

Hugging you, wish we could meet often~